What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 28.06.2025 05:56
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
We all went to grammer schools
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
How do you recognize when your mental health might need attention?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She wouldn,t have been !
I was scared of men, in general
BTS’ Jungkook and Jimin Discharged from Korean Military After RM and V - Rolling Stone
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Resident Evil Requiem: Release Date, Gameplay, And Everything We Know So Far - GameSpot
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Trump Plans Biofuel Quota Boost, Seeks to Crimp Imports - Bloomberg
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I write beautiful poetry .
And i lived it daily.
Scientists reveal a surprising link between depression and microbes in your mouth - PsyPost
I will be 64.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Is it normal to hate my dog, but feel too guilty to get rid of him?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Have you ever seen a woman having sex with a dog?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Why do Democrats never produce a good argument for why Trump was a bad president?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Why do Indian parents force their kids to do stuff?
But ive been too sick for many years..
So whats the point in blame.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was seconnd youngest,
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My son flunked his road test because he was driving a Tesla, dad says - NJ.com
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Would this be the day?
I never cut or harmed myself..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
This is soul school!.
I don,t even have a pension.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I have no regrets .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She was in good health!
When she asked me how she looked .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was very sick at this time too.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But, we were locked up after school.
She loved him until the end.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
It was going to be , some day.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Ive learnt so much.
Put me off passion for life!!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
So, i spoilt her more .
My family never makes their pension either.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She married twice! .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
All the time i was locked up.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was 9 years of age.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I think the readers, may guess!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Who then, do I blame.?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
One cannot live in the past .
Im still living with it.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But it wasn’t much.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I said to her
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She found it foreign!.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
What did i know ?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Especially a lifetime of it.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Why did i forgive my father ?
We were not on the streets..
Was to survive, this bastard.
I waited trembling.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I couldn’t, believe it.
He knew the spot.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He resisted the act ,that day.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Comes on , in middle age.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I could never make a relationship work though!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My life is so biszare .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.